You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
