the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
