im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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