I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
