I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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