Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
