chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
