drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
