i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
