just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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