it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
