just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
