His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
