PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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