I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
