Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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