Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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