So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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