my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Semen is not good for contacts.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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