I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
