Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
