i think my tv is drunk
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
