My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
