so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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