What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
