Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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