I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
