My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
