All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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