we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
