1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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