Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
