I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
