I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
