If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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