Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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