it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
