My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
