Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
