some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
