Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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