to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dick very happy bro
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