Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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