Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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