i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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