We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
