Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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