if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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