is wine microwaveable?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
