so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
