You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
