im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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