We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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