4 words: hood of his car
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
