Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
