I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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