I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
