I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
