no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
