i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
