Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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