Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
