yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
