I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
