Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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