remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she smelled like a LAN party
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
