Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
