Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
