The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
