I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
